Big Brother Craze

It’s midnight in the house, and The Jeff and Jordan we love are back, on F 1/2. All chattering and giggling and telling stories about home, families and friends, trying to figure out what they’ll think of the season and their ‘friendship’.

F3/4 is another marathon chess game with Kevin/Natalie.

Obviously I’m listening to Jeff/Jordan.

Jordan: My sister gets ghetto when she drinks! Like one night, I saw my sister and I brought one of my gay friends, and she had her hair slicked back and a cigarette, and all her friends were like what’re you doin – because we were all decked out and it’s so funny, but now she’s got a real job so she don’t act like that. But my friend Megan, the one you saw in the picture, and then at work, i call her MIss Megan, I’ll tell her why did you not return my phone call – and she’ll be all weeeeeeeell I waaaaaaaas a little drunk…

Jeff: me and my buddy Andy – he’s meemo’s cousin, talks funny too. We had this one guy, and I made up this voice, and we started talkin like that, and I told this whole story, so he kept talking like that. one day we were out drinking with him and his sister.. and you ever go through your phone and crank em..
Jordan: you mean prank?
Jeff: yeah, whatever! and so he kept using that voice and we kpt calling Eric back, and he kept answering! And it was so stupid, and his girl answered and we did it like 10 times. We cranked him every day from work, I swear for 2 and a half months!
Jordan: you ever tell him it was you?
Jeff: No! And we were laughing – and we called em and someone said something that only you’re friends would know.. and then he was like what? is JEFF THERE? I’ll fuckin kill you guys! This isn’t funny dude, I was gonna gall the cops! two and a half months every fucking day? Are you kidding dude?! I’d be like hey, did you call my buddy and he’d be like yeah, three times already! It was hilarious!

12:11 –
Jordan: i wish we had some nyquil!
Jeff: yeah, slept all day.
Jordan: don’t you think though, when we get out of here, we talk about big brother 24 hours a day!
Jeff: we just had this conversation an hour ago!

Time to discuss what they’re wearing on Thursday. Again.

JEff: I feel like she’s diabetic or something! I mean, she gets hyped up on all that sugar, and a beer!
Jordan: remember when Casey was doing the fake contest thing? she was GOING. I was like what the heck?! She shocked me!
Jeff: Laura wanted to do that every single day. I was like dude, what the fuck.
Jordan: We’re gonna wanna hang out with them, because we haven’t seen them.
Jeff: all week rather then those bozos!
Jordan: she was mature for her age
Jeff: I bashed her a bit. Whatever, everyone talks shit about everyone.

12:17 They head inside – to the green room after a potty break.

12:22 Ah, there’s Michele – asleep in the pool room. Jeff goes to change into his sweats, while Jordan “takes a poo”

Jordan: is everyone asleep?
Jeff: Michele is, I don’t know about the dynamic duos…

then on to Hohos, little debbie brownies, snack foods…

Michele walks through, laughs at them, and goes to the restroom.

12:30 –
BB: Houseguests, this is a lockdown, please go outside…
Michele: what?
BB: Houseguests, this is a lockdown, please go INSIDE and close the sliding glass door…

Jeff: told you stay inside stupid! I was right! Throught this hot tea at you! Why are all of my ideas violent
Jordan: you look abusive!
Jeff: what? (pushes her)
Jordan: SEE! that’s what I mean!
Jeff: I know, I heard ya. (smooch!)

Jeff: what is that?
Jordan: chapstick!
Jeff: what kind?
JOrdan: the clear kind!
Jeff: the ghetto kind! get a flavor!

Michele joins them in the green room.

JEff: the only thing I’m worried about you in Vegas is taking care of you! You’re gonna get drunk, and be ll bllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaug and
Jordan: i don’t do that!
Jeff: you don’t know vegas! You won’t even know you’re there. Just sayin’, I’m preparing for it.
Jordan: I have fun! I dance all the time!
Michele: oh I miss dancing!

12: 35 Upstairs: Kevin/Natalie
Natalie: Jeff was like, she’s going crazy, she almost used the veto on me. And when she doesn’t go home, she’ll be all nuts for the HOH competition, I’ll say maybe, and then she’ll be so confused! I’ll say I’m thinking of my options, it’s a possibility…

Downstairs:
Jeff: was it closing before?
Michele: yeah..
Jeff; it’s open already. it’s over.

Jeff wins at solitaire.
Jordan: i never played that. Can I try to play it? Will you help me?
Jeff: yeah!
Jordan: I watch you guys play it
Jeff: you gonna pay attention when I tell you? It’s real simple…
Jordan: I am!

Upstairs – it’s back to the Stalemate rule.
Kevin: the two moveable pieces. You have three pieces, the game is over. If I take a pawn, you can’t move.
Natalie; you take all their pieces, it’s a stalemate
Kevin: that’s not how it works! We’re going by my rule since we went by your rule last time.
Natalie; until you win we go by my rule.
Kevin: No, no no. we said back and forth.

Kevin: we need to make a bet on who’s correct.
Natalie: I know I’m correct.
Kevin: If I’m correct, you need to give me $20 in in chips in Vegas
Natalie; and if I am, you give me $50
Kevin: no! I’ll give you a slap in the face!

12:57 – Michele to the dr. All Cams switch to Jeff/Jordan as she goes through a third game of solitaire.

Michele comes back, F3/4 switch to HOH room, where they’re still playing chess.

1:04 – the Chess game is over.
Natalie: good game, Kevo, good game.

They argue over who has won more, and stale mates, and who’s ahead in pool, good-natured “you can beat me” type.

Kevin: you think you should bait michele?
Natalie; Just to throw her up a bit. I’m not gonna approach her, but if she asks me..
Kevin: that’s hard – I did that to Russell. Then at the last minute they’ll be like yes or no…
Natalie; then I say no.
Kevin: that won’t throw her off – it only does if it’s right when they find out
Natalie; i’ll just tell her no then.
Kevin: Keep saying maybe. Is there a way on the day you can be like… cuz I think that’s a good idea, it’ll fuck with her head.
Natalie: because when he goes home it’ll fuck with her head. Right now I’m just like, with my gut says I can’t trust you.
Kevin: why not say yes, unless something changes..
Natalie: no. I won’t say yes… what would change
Kevin: he threatened my life!
Natalie; (laughs) he said he’d cut off my nipple! They think that I think they’ll not compete in HOH, bullshit. And they think that I’m dumb if I don’t do it – bullshit! And it’s us too against YOU Michele… I like my odds. Michele she hasn’t done anything two great in this game. The only thing she’s earned is this veto. She didn’t get the rest of them – by default.
–Lessa: *headdesk* Kick her ass, Michele.

Natalie; I truly think I can beat her.
Kevin: we have the odds, but how can we increase them?
Natalie; I’m just gonna fuckin win.
Kevin: be like maybe maybe maybe, then you’ll find out.. so you never say yes.
Natalie: no, theyll be all like I need to know.
Kevin: i’d be like, if I were you, I’d get dressed for a competition
Natalie; I don’t like that idea, Kevin.
Kevin: why?
Natalie; I don’t know.
Kevin: eventually they’ll be like yes or no.
Natalie: i can pull it off until like, wednesday. But then when I say no, they’ll try something else. They’ll come to you or something. just always come hang out with me.
Kevin; they’ll wake you up..
Natalie; no.. she waited until I said I’m awak, and I was like uuuuuuugh what.
Kevin: So what I should do is as soon as they say wake up run down there and sleep in the read room.

Kevin: he’s acting like Russell.
Natalie; he said, Kevin’s always around you now.
Kevin: if I’m with you… every second
Natalie; there’s always a chance, when your in the diary room
Kevin: don’t call me to the diary room! I’ll send you to the HOH. Why don’t you wanna do operation cockblock?
Natalie; i do!
Kevin: we need to get into the bitches head! This is gonna be hella hard.
Natalie; I can’t come into the HOH room every time you go to the DR…
Kevin: yeah you can. Russell followed my ass! There’s two of them.
Natalie; so when you’re in the diary room, I’ll be like, maybe. I’m thinking about it.
Kevin: i’ll be in there like yes yes I’m on a time crunch!
Natalie; i won’t give them an answer
Kevin: they need to feel hope!
Natalie: I know.. I told them I want to get on board, but I don’t know if I can trust you Michele…

Natalie: bottom line, we’re goin to the final two. We’re strong competitors!
Kevin: remember when we were doing LML, and think out of the box? We need to think that now. We think we got it good, and we don’t. Bitch can win hoh!
Natalie; then Jordan goes home.
Kevin: we have to fuck with her head!
Natalie: i know!
Kevin: maybe I should do something… go to her and say I thought about it and do want Jeff. We have to fuck with her head. Doesn’t hurt for me to tell her I thought about it again. Why does she approach me once, then never again?
Natalie; because of Jeff. She needs help to take you out is what she’s telling me. jeff told her there is hope with me, but she has to talk to me, be3cause the only reason I’m not sure is because I have to talk to her.
Kevin: this is why you don’t allign yourself with a habitual liar.
—Lessa: I believe that sound was Kevin’s Boyf screaming at the screen. Just sayin.

Kevin: To me what they’re offering is not even slightly attractive.
Natalie; they give me final three, but I get cut at final three. I didn’t come here for final three.
Kevin: no one remembers Zach.
Natalie: last year, Jerry. It’s not even about being remembered, I want final two. It’s us two against Michele. She’s not a strong competitior. She’s won shit – by luck. We haven’t put all our effort yet. I gave 100% in the hanging, and look how I did. When we tried, we won. So we’ll win. i’m not worried about her at all. I know we can beat her. The whole point was to get a strong competitor out. This is not an option.

Kevin: I’m started to get very very irritated. Like I’m gonna blow up…

1:23 Fish.
1:26 back.

Natalie; how does it make more sense to keep the strongest competitor. Tell me how.

Kevin: I now realize that the game is not fixed. After the smores, and the cans.. I don’t think it’s fixed. I did for a second. And when I say fixed? I mean tailored to Jeff.
– Lessa: gee. ya think? *rolls eyes* How long will this epiphany last when you lose again? Umhm.

Jeff/Michele:
Jeff: she said that you told her the deal..
Michele: No, she said she had a dream about it, and pushed me into the kichen
JEff; whatever, doesn’t matter, when I told her she was like that was awesome, what if Michele doesn’t throw it..
Michele: the way it’s set up, they’d still go after you,
Jeff: and they had to keep one of us off as part of the deal. And she was all worried about Michele.
Michele: and I told her that if she does that she’ll see I’m true to my word.
Jeff: if she doesn’t take the deal, she’s a bonehead. If someone offered that to me, I’d be like let’s role. If she does do it, what are we gonna do for HOH?
Michele; if it’s questions.. uuuuuh i dunno…
Jeff; you’ll probably talk to her before me. She’s gotta be like, I’m doing it.
Michele: I want you here, but you know, at worse, it’s switched.
Jeff: yeah, if you tell her, you’re not laying down if she doesn’t do it.
MIchele: I think she’ll go for it.
Jeff; i like your attitude.

1:35 Jeff goes to brush his teeth… he farts
Jeff: here they come! get ready for bed!
Michele: that’ll have us laughing for a while!

Back upstairs:
Natalie: for Jeff you could also be like well. Jeff…
Kevin: I be all, it’s a hard decisions, and Natalie I hope you won’t be upset with me, but Jordan, you’re safe, Jeff, you’re going home. He’s already not gonna vote for me in the Jury, so might as well zing him.
Natalie; he might, but you should still zing him
Kevin: if he can’t even talk to me to save his ass in the game, why would he vote for me?
Natalie; he’d respect it, like he said we should that he got out Jessie and Russell.

Natalie: i was thinking earlier – you and me would be 50-50 shot. I don’t even know if I do at this point because of what I said in my message, which is dumb, but I get Jessie, you got Lydia. I get Jeff, you get Jordan. Michele and Russell, I don’t know.
Kevin: Russell you, Michele me..
Natalie: I don’t know.. Russell really likes you, so.
Kevin: I think it’s a wash. It’ll come down to America. And I don’t think they know who I am.
Natalie: They hate me, they gave the coup d’etat to someone who’d use it agianst me.
Kevin: I’d be honored going to the final two with you, knowing we didn’t have to do anything super outrageous
Natalie: and we’ve been together the whole time, since day one. And we never had problems in this game. Some had issues – like michele and russell. We’ve always been friends, you know?
Kevin: But first we need to win POV.
Natalie: before we count our chickens.

F1/2 Pool Room, Michele, Jordan, in bed.
F3/4 HOH.

Natalie: if I win POV, I’ll scream CHIMA! VENGANCE! I have it all planned. I want her to know she’s not forgotten and we fight for her.
Kevin: how about a shout out to your boyfriend, pops
Natalie; they know how I feel. I have to win HOH so I can give the nomination speech to michele! I have it all planned.

Downstairs – Jeff joins Jordan in bed – giggling commences.
Jeff: I’ll drown you, I do it in love.
Michele: me too!
Jeff: that’s right, I promised! tomorrow it’ll be a double drowning. Maybe Wednesday, with the cameras!

Jeff; i wish we had scary stories.
Michele: remember when Ronnie was here? That was scary.
Jordan: he got on my nerves so bad…
Michele: remember when everyone came in here and LYdia was jumped into bed with you?
Jeff: She kept grabbing my ‘yoinker’! like 50 times! I was like DUDE. I thought you were telling her to do that!
Jordan: no! Why would I tell her to do that?!
Michele: yeah, I was like ok, this is weird!

Jeff turns on the light so that he can find his chapstick.
Jeff: what you do with the purple one?
Michele: you have purple chapstick? Is it bubblegum flavor?
Jeff: grape!
Michele: is it lipsmackers?
Jeff: it is!
(michele’s giggling like crazy)
Michele: no comment!

Jeff: I go through chapstick like crazy! chapstick and lotion! I’m such a little bitch! It’s over. I’m a bitch and I lost! fuck it!
Michele: sorry I made fun of your chapstick..
jeff: i don’t mind.

1:48 F3/4
Kevin/Natalie have descended from their lofty heights, to grace the mere mortals with their bitchy ass poor sport overconfident trash-talking selves.

Well. they made it as far as the bathroom, anyway.

F1/2
Jordan: wanna work out tomorrow night?
michele: yes. pump some iron. I wanna see if I can bench that bar.

Jeff: tomorrow we gotta hit the pool. Not sleep till 5. Just gotta jump right in. it’ll be cool, it’ll be nice.

1:53 Jeff sings, we get fish.
1:56 Back

F1/2 – Pool Room, F3/4 Kevin and Natalie eavesdropping

Michele: you guys have taught me a whole new vocabulary!
Jordan: you have to use Gucci!
Michele: I can rock the Gucci. i will spread it to the west cast.
Jeff: and TTYN, that’s the best.
Jordan: I’m gonna say that in your goodbye message
Jeff: I’ll laugh.

Jeff: showing my rappin skills
Michele: you’ve never laid down any raps in here!
Jordan: what you say?! I thought she said we should sit down and eat rats!
Michele: YES!!!
Jeff: Michele loves the jokes with the rats…
Michele: i have three rats in here!
Jeff: wat was the one with the noose about?
Michele: i don’t know, that one’s not mine. Maybe it was a reference to Ronnie.

Kevin/Natalie tiptoe away, then run to the green room to play cards.

BB: Natalie, please center your microphone.
Michele: stop scheming!

2:02 Fish.
2:06 Back.

F1/2 Pool room – F3/4 Green room

General chitchat in the Pool Room, Jimmy Fallon wanting a Saved by the Bell reunion.
Jeff; that’s right! that’s so funny you saw that too! It was a pretty good skit!
Michele: man, all the conan I missed!
JordaN: you know stephanie from full house was like on meth!
Jeff: she was a junkie
Michele: yeah, a whole bunch of drama just before we got in here…
Jeff: dude, you guys know way to much about this…
Jordan: i work in a salon! I hear all this stuff
Michele; there’s no reason why I know this. I just do.
Jeff: You might be in magazines! That one dude was from people!
Jordan: i didn’t think..
Jeff: you think he was just fuckin around over there?
Jordan: I didn’t think he’d care about us.. he was cute.
Michele: he was from my school – he went to boston college!
Jordan: he had dimples…
Jeff: he was funny, that guy.

Talk about “happy endings” massage parlors.
Jordan: WHAT? I’ve heard about a place like in Charlotte, but didn’t believe it! That’s disgusting!
Jeff: that’d be awesome! How bad could it be?
Jordan: they might wear gloves or something!
Jeff: a space suit! Why they gotta wear gloves?!
Jordan; What if some gross guy has like herpes or something! Crabs or something!
Jeff: dude, get outa here.. I never got one, i swear! I’ve talked to people who’ve done it..
Jordan: what do they do if a girl goes in there?
Jeff: a broom handle..
Michele: an application!
Jordan: I’ve never heard of this!
Jeff: you’ve never heard of Happy Endings?
Jordan: I’ve never had a massage, I’ve had a facial
(this slaughters Michele – she’s cracking up!)

They move on to Strip Clubs…

Jeff: I hate it, they pretend to like you, then they give them money and they’re outa there! I’m such a sucker, and they’d be all hi cutie and I’m like what’s up! They ask for a dance and then I give them cash and they’re gone, and the next one comes and I’m like get outa here! I already fell for that twice!

Jeff: where you goin, Jordan?
Jordan: over here.
Michele: come hop in my bed, Jordan!
Jeff: OH YEAH!
Michele: (embarrassed) I’m not here!

She goes to the bathroom…

Jeff talks all deep voiced…
Jordan: Don’t talk like that! it scares me!
Jeff: ….jordan!
Jordan: You sound so scary! STOP IT!

Jeff/Jordan giggling under the covers.
Jordan: noooooooo!
Jef: i didn’t do anything this time!

Michele: whatcha guys dooooin?
Jordan: Nuthin!

Jordan: where’s your hand goin?
Jeff; You know where it’s goin…
Jordan: no!
Jeff: dirty massages! Who said that?!
Jordan: jeff wants a dirty massage
Michele: who wouldn’t want one?
Jeff: fuck yeah, Michele!
Michele: we should be able to order that!
Jordan: Michele! Really?
Michele: when you are used to getting it all the time…
Jeff; a trip to hawaii… a dirty massage..
Michele: I’m so frustrated!
Jordan: Wait God must have messed up when he made me..
Michele: no, when you have the right person you are like fuck yeah!
Jordan: so if you’re with the guy you wanna hump him all the time?
Michele: oh yeah..
Jeff: let’s try it! See if I’m the one! If not, TTYN!

(they all laugh)

F3/4 – Natalie/Kevin tiptoe back to the red room again, to see what’s going on.
F1/2 – Jordan asks Michele questons about her husband, if she liked sex at first… we get fish when Michele talks about her first partner.

2:27
Natalie/Kevin give up eavesdropping – since they’re just having a good time in the pool room – and decide to pay cards there.

Kevin: that rug is dangerous!
Natalie: i almost ate it, face first!

In the pool room
Michele: my whole family is stinky! I stink when I shower, I shower all the time!
Jeff; it’s middle Eastern…
Jordan: so like you wash your armpits and you still stink?
Michele: i dunno!
Jordan: what kinda deoderant do you wear?
Jeff: Jordan has some perscription..
Michele: it’s not bo, I just smell weird. Everyone has a certain odor… My armpits always smell bad.
Jeff: use the axe body spray
Jordan: are they wet?
Michele: no, i just smell weird!
Jordan: sometimes when i wear secret and dov..
Jeff; she just smells weird.
JOrdan: no, i’m just explaining! So I ent and I got this stuff, and that stuff works so good! You put it on and the next day you don’t have to put on deoderant or nothin!
Michele: ok, i’ll go get hooked up… it’s not like I’m sweaty…
Jordan: it might help…
Michele: i could just put myself in a bubble
Jordan: it’s just a suggestion..
Michele: it’s ok, I need a makeover when i get outa here…

Jeff Farts. Naturally.

Michele goes and shuts the door all the way.
Jordan: I rub you all the time! my turn!
Michele: do you rub all your friends?
Jordan: if they wanna be. Jeff’s different! Right Jeff? You’re different?
Jeff: yeah. We had this pact from the beginning.
Michele: a rubbing pact.

They move into talking about other reality shows…

2:48 Kevin decides to go to bed – Natalie puts her suitcase in her lap so that she can play solitaire. Michele makes another bathroom run.

Jordan: you know what I want? To sit through a thunderstorm. When it rains.. sitting on the balcony.
Jeff: doin it.
Jordan: does everything have to end in doin in?
Jeff: just say yes.
Jordan: no.

Kevin gets back to the Red Room – for some reason this crack Natalie up. He’s apparently there because he’s too paranoid.

Natalie: Kevin, you don’t need to worry! Dude!

Michele offers to turn the light off for them, they say no. She goes back to bed, while Natalie wonders if they can take the drawers out and hide under the bed.

Natalie; I’d do that! I’d stay there all day. Come call me when it’s clear for water breaks.

Natalie; i think it’s safe now.

2:53 – Pool room
Michele: sometime this wee we should do some crazy dares.
Jordan: how crazy?
Michele: not super crazy. Nudity!
Jordan: would you run around naked Jeff?
Jeff: no.. I don’t want that on tv.. you do something stupid on here it follows you for life.

Jeff: you could go though.. skinny dippin..
Jordan: I would.
Jeff: do it tomorrow!
Jordan: not here, good point.
Jeff; jury house? with all those yo-yos?
JordaN: I don’t care. I’d do it in the jury house.
Jeff: butt naked?
Jordan: maybe my underwear on. If it was in the ocean in the dark, yeah i’d do it. I dunno.

Jeff: My goal is to make it in the pool by one.
Michele: go team go!
Jeff: that gives me 10 hours of sleep.

2:59 They all say goodnight.
F3/4 Still on Natalie playing solitaire, Paranoid Kevin lingering there in bed.

Natalie; is your boyfriend watching the feeds?
Kevin: no, he’s a cheap mofo. He’d be like why pay to watch people…
Natalie: i wouldn’t do it normally, but if my boyfriend was on it..

Natalie; i’m getting tired.
Kevin: i think I can relieve myself of duty.
Natalie; i think you’re in the clear.

3:03 – Kevin finally goes upstairs.
Natalie; Sleep well, dear.

3:23 – Natalie finally puts away the cards, truns off the light, and gets into bed.

Nighty-Night, houseguests!

Category: Uncategorized by Lessa